The Passion of the Bunny
by Oblights
Summary: There were ghosts, hollows, demonic spirits, and power hungry maniacs bent on world domination running loose in the world. And then there were the obsessive Chappy Freaks. And they were multiplying.


The Passion of the Bunny

By: Twilight's Blade

**Words: **977

**Summary: **There were ghosts, hollows, demonic spirits, and power hungry maniacs bent on world domination running loose in the world. And then where were the obsessive Chappy Freaks. And they were multiplying.

A/N: Just a random little idea I wrote up to pass the time.

* * *

"You. Burned. Chappy."

These were Rukia's only words at first. Ichigo wished they had been her only words for the rest of her life after that argument. Still, every time he recalled it, he couldn't help but feel amused and triumphant.

"You. _Burned._ Chappy."

Yes, he had. Because that stupid bunny was taking over his life and he sure as hell didn't like it. It's not like he wanted to wake up to his father prancing around in a three sizes too small bunny suit while trying to poke Ichigo's eyes out with a carrot. He was sick of Rukia, Yuzu, and Inoue's ear bleeding singing to the new Chappy show theme song, and the god awful dance that followed. The thumping made it impossible for him to finish the hours of homework he had to catch up on. Stupid Aizen and his war, forcing him into summer school for missing so much work. Hell, he even overheard Karin and Sado in a heated discussion on just who should be Chuupi Cute Jr's wife, and whether Chappy was going to finally tell Chalupe about his affair with her sister after they had been going out for three years.

Honestly, what the hell?

"You. Burned. _Chappy._"

The insanity had even spread to the Soul Society. Soifon's "secret" collection of cats had suddenly escaped into every office of the second division, meowing the theme song in loud screeches and all outfitted with custom Chappy bunny ears. He merely gaped at Shunsui when his usual pink flowered haori was replaced by a neon green "Happy Chappy" one. Nanao's usual five hundred page novel was replaced with four or five Chappy manga at a time, and if he didn't know better, he would have choked at the casual humming of the theme song flowing from Kurotsuchi's direction one day. Not that seeing Hitsugaya more than willingly play "father" with Matsumoto for their Chappy plush was any less disturbing.

Had they all lost their minds?

"_You._ Burned. Chappy!"

Yes, _he_ had burned Chappy and was going after all the rest of his rapidly reproducing cousins so he could finally have some peace of mind. Justice had to be served. And now she was running out of words to stress. Ahh, this was what Ichigo was waiting for. Not like he wanted it, or anything, but he was sure it was coming.

"You irksome, ignorant, egocentric moron!"

Ichigo blinked in confusion. Didn't watching ridiculous amounts of Chappy the Bunny lower one's IQ? Because it sure had with Ishida, and Ichigo was starting to wonder if he should prepare for the end of the world. _Again_.

"How could you do such a disgraceful thing to a cute and lovable creature?"

Ichigo merely shrugged, laying back on his bed and flipping nonchalantly through a magazine. Surprising himself, he managed to suppress a nervous twitch at a Chappy the Bunny Card Game advertisement. An uncomfortable silence passed before Ichigo finally glanced up, the enraged reiatsu becoming impossible to ignore.

"Who in the hell do you think you are, incinerating an exclusive Chappy the Bunny plush and ignoring every word I say?"

Teeth grit, chest heaving, eyes narrowed, shoulders hunched—oh yeah, she was mad. But he honestly didn't see what the big deal was. It was a stupid ol' inanimate bunny, for Christ's sake. He said as much.

Rukia glared lasers, fists clenching enough for him to think she was cutting off her own circulation. _"It is so a big deal! Chappy is the pinnacle of all happiness in the world! You can't just go and burn someone's happiness! You can't do it! You can't!"_

Ichigo blinked. Okay, so she was officially crazy. Well, it was about time he let out his ulterior motive. Maybe that would teach her a long overdue lesson. He tossed the magazine away from him, sighing heavily and standing over her like an owner to misbehaving dog.

"Honestly, Rukia, you're this frantic over some toy? I think I've just proved that you're a hyper obsessed, loud mouthed, vertically challenged dumbass who needs to get her priorities reset. It's clearly not an idea you've heard of yet. If you miss the thing so badly, buy yourself a new one and leave me the hell _alone_. But don't forget to hide it, so that if I find it again I can't then blow it up in your face."

Silence filled the room. For a few seconds, Ichigo felt smug and vindicated. Ignoring the bewildered glare on her face, he smirked impishly. Yes, he'd achieved victory.

For a few seconds.

Then he felt as if Chappy himself had come back from the dead and used a sledge hammer to snap his skull in two.

Cracking her knuckles, she left with a dignified 'hmph' and slammed the door, but not before giving him a short speech and reaching into his closet and pulling out another Chappy, seemingly identical to the one he burned, except that it was three times bigger.

"So you know, it wasn't my precious Chappy that you burned, but Nii-sama's. It took him a year of blackma—I mean, searching, to track that one down, being that there are—rather, were—only five of the exclusive one's in existence. And after weeks of begging, he finally let me have the especially soft plush for a day. So let's just say that when he finds out what you've done, he is going to do far worse to you than I ever could."

Ichigo could do nothing but groan in pain, confusion, and frustration. What the hellwas Byakuya doing with that thing? Had Rukia converted him, too? It was just too mind boggling to think about. In addition to everything else, now he had to worry about how many body parts he would have within the next few hours.

Life simply wasn't fair.

**End**


End file.
